Parenting Tweens: 10 Social Etiquette Do's and Don'ts for 2015

Parenting tweens (and teens) today is so different from when I was growing up. My parents didn't have to worry about my sisters and I sexting, maybe sex-talking, but definitely not sexting. This just wasn't possible because we had one family phone fixed to our kitchen wall which was analog.  

They also didn't have to learn another language to communicate with us - the language of Social Media Acronyms like...

• P911 - Parent Alert
• CTN - Can't Talk Now
• FWB - Friends With Benefits
• MOS - Mom Over Shoulder. 

And that's just the beginning! As a parent you need to be aware of The Secret Language of Teens: 100 Common Text and Social Media Acronyms.

Getting back to the differences. One major difference between my generation and my kids was that privacy existed.

So what's the big deal? 
Every parenting generation has its worries, right? Yes. But our parenting generation is faced with a much greater responsibility - teaching tweens social etiquette in a digital age.

The following are some social etiquette rules for parents of digital tweens that I've put together that hopefully will help instill some tween social awareness in 2015!

1. Commit to making 2015 a year of making eye contact with your children. It may be uncomfortable for them at first, but eventually they will get the hang of it. 
2. Put down those mobile phones when you are having a conversation! I find it so rude when I'm trying to have a conversation with someone and their eyes and fingers are glued to their mobile phone. Here's what we do in my house. If one of my tweens is texting or playing a video game when I am talking to them, I politely ask them to put it down until we are finished. If they continue to text or play their game, I take their phone away for a week. Trust me, your tween will get the picture pretty quickly without you having to Instagram it.
3. That leads me into meal time. Turn off all phones, eReaders and the television and be present. Sit down and talk. Find out a little about each other. Let your tween know that their friends will survive 30 minutes without an update on what they are doing in their house.
4. When out at a restaurant, again have your tween turn their phone off or put it on vibration. This goes for mom's and dad's too. Kids learn from you. If you are constantly checking your email when out and about, your tween is going to think that is acceptable behavior. Seriously, why even go out to dinner? You could have just ordered in and saved yourself time and money.
5. Medical conditions - exception to social rule #4: Our tween daughter has type 1 diabetes. When she is not with me, I always have my phone on and close by just in case she needs to reach me. It's part of my life. But I still respect my time when I'm talking with other people. I keep my phone's volume on low and glance at it if it rings. If it isn't my daughter, I ignore it. If it is, I explain to them that I need to get this call.
6. One hour every day have your tween go outside and play a sport without their phone or electronic gadget. Exercise is so important. Kids today just aren't getting enough. 
7. Bad Weather - exception to social rule #5 : On days where it's bitter cold or rainy, have your tween do an art project, build a puzzle or play a board game. It's not that I don't allow my kids to play a video game or text a friend or watch television. I just limit their time on electronic devices to one hour, so they can build other skills and get people interaction. 
8. Parents, you need to teach your tween what is acceptable picture (and video) taking and sharing is, and what isn't. I'm amazed with some pictures people share on Facebook and Instagram. Seriously, who wants to see a bloody wound or a popped zit? Tweens need to know that they should never take or share pictures of themselves in their underwear or bathing, even if private parts aren't showing. And pictures of animal private parts should also not be taken or shared. They need to understand the consequence of taking pictures and having other's take pictures of them. An inappropriate picture posted and shared on the Internet can easily go viral.
9. This leads me into teaching tweens that how they act out in public could actually be captured on camera or video. I don't know a soul who doesn't own a phone without a camera. Camera's are everywhere and pictures are being taken by everyone. Kids need to realize that how they act and what they do out in public can easily be video'd or caught on camera. There is a social responsibility for parents to help tweens understand that privacy is a thing of the past and getting caught doing something irresponsible or stupid (like vandalizing someone's property) is a reality.
10. Lastly, tween parents bring back family time! One night a week, enjoy a meal together without any portable electronic devices or the television on. Share stories. Laugh. Listen. Then play a game. My kids love playing charades. Do you know what games your kids enjoy?

I welcome any other tips to help tween parents instill social awareness in their kids! 

Should You Teach Your Child About The Risks Of Getting A Tattoo?

Yes! It is every parents responsibility to prepare your child for the real world. And this includes educating them on the risks of getting a tattoo.

First, I'm not against tattoos. Some are truly masterpieces. But I'm not an advocate for my kids to get a permanent one. Their body at the age of 20 or 30 will look a lot different as they enter their 40's, 50's and 60's. As such, their tattoo will also begin transforming. And when you add sun exposure, age, and possible other healthy risks to the tattoo beauty equation you get warped piece of art that you have to live with for the rest of your life.

I haven't met many people in their 50's who regret getting a tattoo, especially a tattoo that covers a large part of their body. And getting it removed, isn't that simple either. Did you know that from 2011 to 2012 laser tattoo removal increased 32%. These are numbers that can't be ignored.

So that brings me to why I am writing this. My beautiful niece just got a tattoo. I was shocked and a bit heartbroken, because I never expected her to ever get one. And it's a bit bigger than I'm accustomed too. Yes it is a gorgeous piece of art. But it is huge. And there is no way that when she turns 50 or 60 that it is going to look like that.

My nieces tattoo made me realize that I really need to not only talk and teach my kids about things such as using protection during sex (which I haven't had the conversation yet, but I'm not too far from having it), drinking and driving and drugs, but also the risks of getting a tattoo.

In the past, I have talked with my kids about why people get tattoos and why I'm not a proponent of them. Below are my reasons:

• There is the possibility of it getting infected.
• You can contract bloodborne diseases — including tetanus, hepatitis B and hepatitis C.
• You could have an allergic reaction.
• You may not like the final result once it is etched on your body.
• As you age, the tattoo will not look the same.
• It's not that easy to get a tattoo removed. And scarring is left once it's removed.

Personally, why get a permanent tattoo, when you can get a temporary tattoo. You then have the option of changing it every few weeks or never getting another again. However, there are still risks involved with temporary tattoos such as lesions, loss of skin pigmentation and sensitivity to light. Whenever you put a foreign substance in your body, their are risks.

All I want is for my kids to love who they are inside and out, and take care of every aspect of themselves so they can grow and age with a positive healthy outlook. I don't believe that a tattoo at the age of 20 years old will leave them a proud owner of it in their 60 + years. I'm open to other people views.


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How I'm Giving Up Mommy Yelling - Postive Parenting!

For the past few days, I've struggled with trying to come up with something to give up for Lent. I usually do meat. I've even given up wine once. But this year, I want to really make improvements to my family life.

So, I'm giving up yelling at my kids for stupid things (okay, all things), and adding positive family spirit!

It hit me hard this morning as I was just about to yell at my 11 year old son to hurry up and get out to the bus stop so he doesn't miss it. Some may say I'm not really yelling and that I'm just raising my voice to get him to move faster. But from my point of view, I feel like I'm yelling. And I think he hears
me as yelling.

I find myself yelling at them for things like not taking their shoes off as soon as they enter the house. Here's why. I think it's really disgusting for them to wear their shoes in the house, especially after they played in my backyard. Our dog goes to the bathroom in our backyard. Yes, we scoop it up, but not every day. There is no way that they haven't stepped in dog poop.

My kids forget to put their shoes away every day. And after asking over and over again, I've resorted to asking really loud, hoping they will finally hear me.

Well, I think I've been tackling it all wrong. Raising my voice and asking louder isn't working. In fact, I think every parent knows yelling doesn't work, but at that moment of getting stressed out that is what we all turn to. I am so guilty of it. I yell for them to put their shoes away. I yell for them to hurry up and get in the car because we are going to be late. Yelling seems to have become part of how I parent and I don't want to do it any longer.

Instead of yelling, I'm going to help my kids understand that it really bother's me that they leave their shoes scattered all over the kitchen, and their soccer ball, and their lunch box, and their sports bag, and their toys. Seriously, the list goes on and on and on in my house.

I'm going to share how much it would mean to me for them to take their shoes off as soon as they enter the house. And I'm going to create an environment that helps them to start remembering (and helping) and for me to stop yelling.

Kids want to please their parents and make them happy. And yelling only tunes them out. So instead of constantly yelling at them to help me out, I'm going to try something totally different!

Here's what I'm going to do to give up yelling:

• Instead of yelling, I'm going to look at them in the eyes and talk to them.
• Instead of yelling, I'm going to explain to them why it bother's me about what they just did.
• Instead of yelling, I'm going to help them see it from my point of view. I'm going to explain by putting them in my shoes.

How I'm going to get my kids to remember to take off their shoes:

• I am going to stick a note on the door.
• If they leave their shoes scattered in the kitchen, I am going to ask them nicely to put them away and then they will need to sweep and wash the floor where their shoes laid.

Other tactics that I'm going to implement to help me stop yelling:

• I am going to get a bell or buzzer and buzz it as a reminder in the morning.
• I am going to make sure the television is always off when I talk or request them to do something.
• I am going let them be late and then have them deal with the consequences. Of course I can't do that for my two year old. But I can for my  11 year old and 9 1/2 year old twins. If they want to go to their friends birthday party and be on time, then they need to be ready. I don't mind reminding them, but not 100 times. And I'm not going to get stressed out if they dilly-dally, making themself late. They can walk into the party and explain why they are late.

Living in a house as a family takes a team. And kids need to learn that they are part of the team.

Meet Team Moraja! Mom of four kids!


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