Thursday, March 06, 2014

How I'm Giving Up Mommy Yelling - Postive Parenting!

For the past few days, I've struggled with trying to come up with something to give up for Lent. I usually do meat. I've even given up wine once. But this year, I want to really make improvements to my family life.

So, I'm giving up yelling at my kids for stupid things (okay, all things), and adding positive family spirit!

It hit me hard this morning as I was just about to yell at my 11 year old son to hurry up and get out to the bus stop so he doesn't miss it. Some may say I'm not really yelling and that I'm just raising my voice to get him to move faster. But from my point of view, I feel like I'm yelling. And I think he hears
me as yelling.

I find myself yelling at them for things like not taking their shoes off as soon as they enter the house. Here's why. I think it's really disgusting for them to wear their shoes in the house, especially after they played in my backyard. Our dog goes to the bathroom in our backyard. Yes, we scoop it up, but not every day. There is no way that they haven't stepped in dog poop.

My kids forget to put their shoes away every day. And after asking over and over again, I've resorted to asking really loud, hoping they will finally hear me.

Well, I think I've been tackling it all wrong. Raising my voice and asking louder isn't working. In fact, I think every parent knows yelling doesn't work, but at that moment of getting stressed out that is what we all turn to. I am so guilty of it. I yell for them to put their shoes away. I yell for them to hurry up and get in the car because we are going to be late. Yelling seems to have become part of how I parent and I don't want to do it any longer.

Instead of yelling, I'm going to help my kids understand that it really bother's me that they leave their shoes scattered all over the kitchen, and their soccer ball, and their lunch box, and their sports bag, and their toys. Seriously, the list goes on and on and on in my house.

I'm going to share how much it would mean to me for them to take their shoes off as soon as they enter the house. And I'm going to create an environment that helps them to start remembering (and helping) and for me to stop yelling.

Kids want to please their parents and make them happy. And yelling only tunes them out. So instead of constantly yelling at them to help me out, I'm going to try something totally different!

Here's what I'm going to do to give up yelling:
  • Instead of yelling, I'm going to look at them in the eyes and talk to them.
  • Instead of yelling, I'm going to explain to them why it bother's me about what they just did.
  • Instead of yelling, I'm going to help them see it from my point of view. I'm going to explain by putting them in my shoes.
How I'm going to get my kids to remember to take off their shoes:
  • I am going to stick a note on the door.
  • If they leave their shoes scattered in the kitchen, I am going to ask them nicely to put them away and then they will need to sweep and wash the floor where their shoes laid.
Other tactics that I'm going to implement to help me stop yelling:
  • I am going to get a bell or buzzer and buzz it as a reminder in the morning.
  • I am going to make sure the television is always off when I talk or request them to do something.
  • I am going let them be late and then have them deal with the consequences. Of course I can't do that for my two year old. But I can for my  11 year old and 9 1/2 year old twins. If they want to go to their friends birthday party and be on time, then they need to be ready. I don't mind reminding them, but not 100 times. And I'm not going to get stressed out if they dilly-dally, making themself late. They can walk into the party and explain why they are late.
Living in a house as a family takes a team. And kids need to learn that they are part of the team.

Meet Team Moraja! Mom of four kids!


The fifth Wunderkind Family Children's Chapter Book Will Be Available May 5, 2014



6 comments:

Kimberly Curtis said...

It is nice to meet and follow you. I found your blog via Jen, over at Morning Coffee Confessions link up. So glad you are trying to "give" this up. I am a Granny to 5 and I hate yelling! I was not raised that way, but my daughter has had the yelling thing down since her 1st was born 16 years ago! It just crushes the spirit of anyone in ears shot. I don't blame my daughter, it is hard raising 5 kids. I wish you much success in this endeavor!

Melissa Perry Moraja said...

I agree, Kimberly. Kids really need less yelling, more fun mommy and daddy time. Thanks so much for visiting!

Jen MH said...

I love this plan, I'm not sure what I'm giving up for lent yet, but I want to make sure it's meaningful (like not yelling at the kids) and has an impact on my family too!

Melissa Perry Moraja said...

Thank you so much Jen! My kids are growing up so fast and I want to make their childhood positive!

Keitha said...

I find whispering to be a great way to get my kiddo to really listen to what I am saying. Whispering intrigues him. He wants to be in on the "secret".

Silvie Armas said...

Great post, I gave up yelling 3 years ago and I haven't looked back. It definitely makes a big impact, a wonderful one. :)

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