Friday, February 20, 2015

How to Talk to Your Tween Kid About Sex

Just Off The Boat Sex Talk
Last night I cuddled on the coach with my husband and three older kids ready to watch Fresh Off The Boat. If you haven't seen it, it's pretty funny, especially if you grew up in the 90's. So far every episode has been pretty innocent. But not this one! This one was about talking to your kids about sex.

I was totally hit from left field! I hadn't a clue that "talking to our kid about sex" was going to be the overall theme of the show. Guess I need to start reading the descriptions before pressing play. I sat there so uncomfortable as my 11 year old and 10 year old boy and girl tweens eyes and ears were glued to the television.

During the show, the dad, (Louis is his name), sat down with his older son who looked to be 10 years old to teach him the birds and the bees. I was actually anxious to hear how he was going to teach him, because this was a subject I still needed to talk to my 10 year old twins about.

Louis (the dad) never came right out and said this is what a man and woman do when having sex. But he didn't have to! My kids totally picked up on what he was saying through the shows humor. He said things like how much fun spring break is and how his son will enjoy it and how he may join him. Then he jokingly said that you'll be able to burn something like 206 plus calories. I wanted to scream! I was so uncomfortable!

Burn over 200 calories? OMG! Seriously, I definitely hadn't planned on talking to my kids about spring break at the age of 10 or 11 years old, nor how you can burn off that Burger King hamburger you just ate by having sex.

After the dad was done having the sex talk, he strolled proudly into the kitchen anxious to share his father-son bonding moment with his wife. What he wasn't aware of, nor was I, was that she was going to mention another big kid sex talk subject "date rape". Aaahhhh!

I wanted to run upstairs, lock the door and throw away the key. I knew what was coming next... the curious kid sex questions. And they did. One after another.  My boys just couldn't stop asking what Louis (the dad) meant when he Oooo'd and Aaaa'd after every sexual innuendo he made. Thank heavens it was bed time. My scapegoat.

Well, this morning I had to have the date rape talk with my oldest son who literally is 12 years old today. Not what I expected before having a cup of coffee. On it mentions that at the age of 9 to 11 years old you should talk to your kids about puberty and answer some sex questions they see on the news. Ha! They are so not with the television writers thoughts.

I think Fresh Off The Boat failed in helping parents have the kid tween sex talk. No way was I planning on bringing up how many calories they will burn by having sex.

Here's my thoughts on the do's and don'ts for talking to your tween kid about sex:
  1. Do talk about puberty and how their bodies and emotions will be changing.
  2. Discuss the differences of a man and woman's body and how you need to respect both of them.
  3. Teach them the proper names of the body parts such as "penis" and "vagina".
  4. Bring up what it means to date, hand holding and kissing.
  5. For 12 year olds and teens you should talk to them about:
    • Date rape
    • Pregnancy
    • Sexually transmitted diseases
    • Sexual orientation such as homosexuality and heterosexuality
    • Personal appearance and self-image
    • Peer pressure
  6. Answer your child's questions honestly.
  7. Don't discuss how many calories you'll burn and the workout you'll get out of it.
  8. Don't bring up how pleasurable sex is. That will only make them more curious.
  9. Definitely don't mention how fun spring break is and how you'd like to join them when the time comes.
This area is new to me, although it seems like I'm going to become an expert pretty fast.

Here is a link for you to be able to watch a few clips from the show: Fresh Off the Boat Sex Talk

I'd love to hear how you've tackled talking to your kids about sex!


  1. Oh my gosh! I'm so ready for these talks. My oldest is only six but sounds like this talk is only four years away. Scary. I don't want this show. Not sure if I want to now. LOL.
    Angela @ Stepping into Motherhood

    1. I so agree Angela! They are learning things so much younger now. Wish they could stay babies for longer.